Oh, Effie.
It should have been me…
You told me you loved me, that you have loved me for ten years, that you would always love me. You told me we were meant for each other. You told me we would be together someday. You told me you would wait. You told me our love would triumph. You promised.
You lied.
I hope she makes you happy. I truly do.
I hate the way you don’t know how to dress. I hate it when you touch my butt in public. I hate it when you moan about calories. I hate it when you say we have no money. I hate your racist jokes and your immature sense of humor. I hate your house. I hate your job. I hate that y ou watch cartoons. I hate it when you use gushy pet names in front of people. I hate when you do things without thinking. I hate when you say “I dunno.” I hate that you don’t make me feel beautiful. I hate that you don’t make me feel special. I hate that I can’t trust you. I hate that our sex life has gone down the drain. I hate your cooking sometimes. I hate the way you don’t care about germs. I hate when you don’t wash fruit. I hate when we fight. I hate when we sit on separate couches. I hate when you steal the covers. I hate when we go too long without kissing. I hate it when you have to leave. I hate missing you. I hate how much I absolutely love you. I love you despite everything I absolutely hate about you.
Sea of Love…
I was driving home tonight and all of a sudden an overwhelming wave of pain came crushing down on me. I was instantly pulled under the water made of sorrows. At first, I was scared and confused and I desperately searched for air. I couldn’t find my way out of this sea. I was slowly but surely drowning in my own love for you.
Then, just as suddenly as before, everything changed. I took notice of my surroundings for the first time. I looked at the water that was slowly killing me. It was dark, opaque. Deep. It was just like staring into your eyes. All around me, I could feel your eyes staring into my soul.
It was beautiful. It was peaceful.
It was home.
My home. The only home I’ve ever really known. You were finally welcoming me home. I stared back into my eventual death and felt happy. I relished in it. I welcomed it; wished for it to come quicker. Your eyes were seducing me and luring me in to finally be with you. I could feel myself getting closer to you; my heart steadied and a smile crept across my face as water rushed into my mouth. I could no longer breathe. I didn’t mind - you usually take my breath away. I was ready for death with you.
And it never came. I was quickly pulled out of the water of your eyes. I saw the eyes of a stranger staring - no, glaring- at me as I came back to reality. The car headlights quickly passed to their next victim and I drove to a different home in silence. I still can’t remember actually making that drive to my other fake home. I was, and am, still lost in your eyes.
